Why are barns red? Nobody has ever questioned why barns are red. In California, barns are red. In Kentucky, barns are red. In Connecticut, barns are red. Maybe it's time that we, as a human race, start questioning WHY barns are red. Does anybody remember when we first started painting barns red? Do YOU remember why we started painting them red? Well let me tell you why barns are red.
Every 1st, 2nd, 8th, 13th, 17th, 20th, 23rd, and 30th of the month, aliens come and visit farms far and wide. Ravenous, they eyeball the farmers like they're a bucket of KFC chicken. (Yes KFC, they have those in space you know) Way back when, farmers did wonderfully and they were very prosperous, the aliens never wanted to bother them because they were afraid of how successful they were. Then, one spring, the humans had a poor harvest and lots of their people starved. The human numbers had been drastically lessened. "This," the aliens cooed, "this is our chance to eat their cows." They all maniacally knitted their fingers at the exact same time, adding to their overall weirdness. That fall, the aliens decided to reach out to the humans. "Give us all your cows and we will let you all live, except Richard, we don't like Richard." The humans decided that this was better than being murdered by an alien race so they readily agreed to these terms.
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AuthorI have way too much time on my hands and I'm way too over analytical of everything. It makes for weird conspiracies supported by questionable evidence and unpopular opinions. Archives
October 2018
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